Staying Well

Staying well - this is the toughest and the simplest thing to do.
I didn't say it was easy -
but yes, it is simple. 

We live in a world where "self-care" is a big topic, and it seems that the more lost we are, the more desperate we are for "self-care" modalities. But as long as we look for answers outside, we will be failing. Wellness is an inside job, and as Amelia and Emily Nagosky state in their book “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking Stress Cycle” - “wellness is not a state of mind but a state of action”.

The first thing that I want to debunk here is one of the most misleading words, and this word is “MOTIVATION”.
“Oh, you are not motivated enough!” or
“I don’t feel like I am motivated…”(with a sense of guilt…)
We all heard it and we possibly said it. What you need is not motivation, but commitment and discipline. Motivation is like a match - it will start a fire.
But commitment and discipline are what cuts the wood, and adds it to the fire on a regular basis to get the fire going.

If the fire analogy does not resonate with you, I sometimes use the analogy of friendship. When you think about friendship, you know this is a relationship in the making: there is no snapping fingers and deciding that we are best friends. There are no grandiose commitments – there are small choices and small decisions and small time and energy investments, made over and over and over again that build trust and connection. There may be a bit of chemistry with a person that you just met, but it is not friendship yet - you “clicked” - and so a POTENTIAL for a good friendship is there; but how you will interact, how you will relate to each other will determine whether you build a strong relationship, based on trust and mutual understanding.
Your self-care is like a friendship, or more precisely it is a friendship with yourself.

The problem is that sometimes we are our own worst friend. We will do anything for others who are dear to us; we will rearrange days and move things around to be there for them. Go extra mile or two to make their lives easier. But we are not taught to treat ourselves the same way.
It is not selfishness; it is self-care.
It is not being needy; it is being kind towards ourselves the same way we are kind towards our friends.
What makes you think that you deserve less?...

Another challenge with self-care is that… we don’t make it a priority. We may have this false sense that “when everything is done” then “I will [relax / meditate / go for a walk].” While I understand the necessity of daily chores, I also think that our wellness should be more important than matching socks in a laundry basket. 

Finally, if we don’t commit (!) to it being a daily/weekly routine it will never become one. Life gets in a way in the most tricky way. When we are doing well and we are thriving and we are riding that wave we don’t feel like we need that deep level of self-care.
“Everything is going so well!
I feel high and nourished, and it’s amazing!
I’m doing great! I don’t want to slow down, I am on the roll!!!”

AND then we hit the bump.

We hit the road block,
we crash, and now
we are tired.
We are down.
We are overwhelmed.
Break the cycle.
 
Make a decision that it is time to build a kind relationship with yourself.
You deserve care and time.
Decide what it is that you want to do and how often.
You may be doing little journaling daily (5-10 minutes).
You may decide to do meditation weekly (15 - 20 minutes).
Write these on your calendar: make it the priority and stick to it, because quite frankly, if you don’t make it a priority, nobody will.
And if you fall off the bandwagon, try again.
Smile to yourself.
You are building a habit.
You are building friendship.
It is small choices and small decisions and small time and energy investments, made over and over again that will make the difference. 

Stay well.